Psycho Rains....

As I looked outside my window, tiny droplets of rain filled the frame, like that of a masterpiece in the making. Just like any thinker I began to think and relate myself to this miraculous February rain. It seemed  like the rain fell from my scars, drenching me with a pain of prevalent monotony, dripping with madness from the heart. A madness of sorts, my mind's been sheltering for quite sometime now. This madness has its way for me, one of a kind. Everyday, thoughts come and go, strengthening my belief in my passion, I hold so close to me. This passion in me is for an image of this girl in my mind, oh so fine. Like a star in a million or that crimson moon we see once in a lifetime. This girl lives in my thoughts, no matter what comes and goes around on or around me. She is like this weird monotonous anesthesia I need from time to time, pressing against those very delicate veins, wrapping my heart in a red quilt of calm n comforting emotion, bringing a strange relaxed feeling to me, that I need more than I want. Every time I see her in these lucid images with my open eyes, I wonder if such a figure of pure innocence exists in this apparent, real word as they say. Where reality is anything we can see or touch. And right or wrong and sanity or insanity is defined by the surrounding society bearing no relation to the person on the stand. More than sometimes, these are just hypothetical notions, which are given a concrete structure, deciding our way of life. 

They call me mad, because I see and feel things the society doesn't approve of. This is the reason I call my thoughts a rainfall from my scars as seen from the outside. The doctors say I have SCHIZOPHRENIA, because I see and feel things others don't. Its a mental condition they say. My family I once resided with, my friends whom I was always there for, my love whom I lived for once, all think I need help in a confined and control space, as the doctor said I could get violent after a while you see. But what they don't know is that, this so called condition is the reason for keeping my calm. Its been almost 4 years that I have been in this empty room full of all possible materialistic pleasures n comforts. They all fail to realise this simple phenomena of personal belief and comfort. I have stopped fighting these bubbling isolated emotions, as their repercussions scare the living soul out of me. Whenever I try to fight them or stand up to them, they embrace me with a wired metal crown, possessing 240volts of electric current passing me by in installments of seconds through my brain. They say its for my own good and will help me, 'clear my head'. 

I don't need a confined space. I don't need to clear my head. I don't need these materialistic pleasures and comforts. All I need is to be able to think and feel what I want. A liberty to just be myself. I don't want people to tell me, whether I am sane or not. I want them to let me be the bloody judge of that. I'm sick and tired of people telling me, what is right for me or good for me either. I have a dream you know my dear. A dream to be free . Running around in a plush green lawn opening to the clear blue skies above the transparent sea just to think about her, to feel her right beside me. Away from everyone who thinks I need things, I dont even want. 

Do you think I have an unreasonable dream? Will I ever be able to live it, is a question whose answer will be pretty rhetorical I'm guessing. But you know what keeps me going in such dilemmatic times. That I believe in my dream! Do you? Or can you?

Living a lie....

Borrowing dusk, with the dawning blues,

Trying to protect the tear in my eye,

I sit up to not find my loving brews,

But a cry mumbles out, am I living a lie….

Being true to myself was never so hard ,

Saying words that mean the feeling, I try,

But show an expression instead, of a retard,

Then again no matter what I say, I am living a lie….

Blinded by a certain faith I thought, I bought my life,

Forgot to my pride, I am just an ordinary guy,

The feeling of stupidity from the falling, I strife,

With myself to realize, I am living a lie….

Translucent shadows of my past, prick now and then,

Rising from their graves, memories pass me by,

Tormented agony is fed up to ask, stop it will when,

Never will it see through how, I am living a lie…

But night when falls, silence is mighty,

In hope I believe, to say to her I say hi,

Then to faith I call, once forbidden by my deity,

But will let me lose, as for long have I been living a lie….

Love Beats...

The power I feel, when I stand so close,
To my dream so you, a virtue of desire,
Shall bring a tune to stum the beats,
of a heart that fuels a raging fire,

Tonight let's break the barriers,
Of dusk and dawn, to lay beside this fueled fire,
Holding my hand, just look at me,
And merge in the lines, of our love prior,

Though armed in me, can't see your face,
But feels so right, to be this chase,
As love is to mystery, you are to me,
Not look at each other, but an oceanic gain to flee,

But love, my path is not so easy,
Will take you where these thoughts may seem greasy,
Just like we once, held the one's before,
Is this so true, for you to feel to go for,

To walk you may choose, no matter my fleet,
Of words in a symphony, marching to thine beat,
I know it ain't easy to see thine seat lying empty,
But the faith to be, shall turn the scripts of my deity,

For love is a harmony, to play a name in me a heat,
Your touch is the violin and look my beat,
Struming my veins, gushing blue love,
Providing a space for another soul, to merge and serve,

Touching the notes, highest we've known,
Pulling the lowest and loose, from sad and moan,
Eternal its nature, are these lovely treats,
My Love, for you, are these music sheets playing, our Love Beats....

Lucid Nightmares.....

Lucid dreams have filled my nights,

Bringing a strange, feeling to me sights....

They come and go, eyes open or down,

Nightmares are some, where the doors are crowned....

The beauty is such, of these nightmares per se,

Horrid as they are, bring a a smile they say....

They call me crazy, When I am closed,

I say the chills have withered, them ain't no more posed....

No matter the time or the place, they form a show,

A sight to watch these, Lucid Nightmares make my mind blow....

Love Insane....

There are a few words in my mind,
Making me believe, you're one of  kind....
Sorrows have turned tables to bliss,
And serenity falls for happiness when they kiss....

I see a stone house, on the top of that hill,
Brings an image to me sight, of jack and jill,
Then I think to myself, I want never to comedown,
With the pail of water, we'll stay there forever but never frown....

Then I see you, then your possessing eyes,
That reminds the ocean below, hovering blue skies....
The strength in them, has come with time,
To pull you in my arms so close, I do a mime....

To make it together, we've seen the greys,
Bruised ourselves, falling to society's preys....
Those moments of tests, took us through pain,
But we'll be together, always in love invain....

Pictures have now, stopped rolling in my mind,
Steps are heard of a woman, my eyes want to find....
To find I pluck and see you there,
Fall on my knees, with a reflexive flare....

Surprised as you are, rest your hands on me,
I close my eyes and feel the breeze through a tree....
So calm and peaceful, is the state of your touch,
Takes me to a zone, mind unexplored as such....

It seems like that ending, corner of the world,
From where, one can fall or be hurled....
But I have a plan, little different in my mind,
To turn to the world and fall so straight behind....

Hollering your name, I fall in a vaccum,
Where no philosophy matters, like an empty classroom....
Like my mind and heart, and my love struck vein,
Are dancing to the fall, to fill this space with our Love Insane.....