Loneliness.....

Its been a silent life....its as if the silence is speaking to me...its asking me....why??? why am I putting up with my state in which I am right now....its an old story.... that has been going on for many years now.....but I still have no answer for it.....I only answer with my stillness.....I sometimes feel so lonely....that it feels like I'm trapped in a room without any doors or windows....no connection with the world outside whatsoever..... just, an empty room....which was probably made out of the walls of a fallen building....where once happiness resided....contentment roamed around along with the air.... but now its just me...and my friend Ms.Silence.... I feel so suffocated....and there is so much room for me to roam around inside....but absolutely nothing to do....I just sit in one corner of the room, with my legs folded....and as soon as I sit everytime.....the thorns of my past...start to prick me....I shout....I scream....but what's the use....there's no one to hear me....It really hurts when you wanna say something....but no one's listening....I have numerous emotions...feelings....words rushing down my veins...that I feel like cutting it off....so that atleast they can flow out....

Its so dark in here....and I feel cold....so much so that I have forgotten the warmth of the human touch....But I'm still alive....you can't even imagine how happy that makes me whenever I realise that....that is the sole source of happiness for me....even this happiness feels borrowed now....its not my own anymore....and my memories...they haunt me now....even the good one's, it seems are teasing me...telling me....i'll never be able to have or feel those moments again....I pull my hair in torment.....and yell....what should I fucking do....where the hell should I bloody go....to shoo these memories away from me....because hell seems better from where I'm sitting....at one point...these were my closest and the only source of contentment.....just like my every breath is to my happiness right now.....then I realise....will this also go away from me....will I fall in such misery....that my source of happiness shall become my source of unhappiness....is that the end.....of this horrid experience....

Then silence speaks again....She says....meet my friend hope....you can't imagine the relief I get when I see her...even today when I'm alone....she comes to meet me and tells me...''one day you will''.....and these four words become my ultimate source.....of happiness....contentment....and strength....Even though I'm still trapped here....I still have hope....!!! 

A Million Steps....

I'm standing on a crossroad by myself..... waiting for a sign to tell me where to head,
there are no signboards or milestones...to guide, just a dim light blinking from the horizon,
a pleasant smell of some flowers....is felt every now and then....
Feeling tired now and want to sit, but there is this little voice in my head,
whispering to me, I have a million steps to take before i rest.

Then i look back to find faint footprints of myself leading me here....from another crossroad,
they keep becoming fainter and fainter as i keep staring at them, thinking how did I come here,
i get no answer.... i am frustrated with the agony of confusion, as it has taken a lot of effort to reach where I am and one bad choice can ruin it all..... i shout....i shout at the top of my voice and ask for help, but from where I am standing, my words don't even echo.... I feel like going back, where I came from....something tells me I don't belong here....
But I know its just my mind telling me to quit..... it is scared of the effort that will be needed.....
but my soul cries in a whispering tone, I have a million steps to take before I quit.

I pick up my heavy bag full of hopes, dreams, ambition and desire....and start walking,
I decide to follow the dim light....as I start walking I feel that zest all over again.....
what I felt when I left for this road.....I keep walking towards the light hoping its the sign I was looking for,
my mind tells tells me to wait and think again..... but I whisper to myself, I have a million steps to take before I wait....

Divine Kiss.....

Kissing the morning light with my eyes, i wake, to walk into a room of bliss and hope,
Where faith awaits, calls my name and whispers to me, then gives me hug.
I stand there unmoved, not because I'm lazy, but because i can't believe what i see,
I guess its the divine kiss of the morning light, that has helped me wake up from my bad dream of darkness,
Into a world where Dreams, Hopes and Faith reside.........

Darkness....

Here i am lying underneath the sands of time....cursing myself...to have taken a different path on the road to light.... then suddenly become quiet...as if some ghost just passed through me....yet i gaze upon the night sky...hoping to twinkle like a star...shine like the moon....fly like the wind....but i'm trapped in the shackels of my ride....beneath the  sands of time.......

My Pencil...

When I think about my first day at school, I get an image of a tiny, plumpy little kid, Shivering, Shaking and who seems to be lost in a huge campus which seemed to be a new world altogeter. As I stepped into the classroom, I introduced myself in a stuttering voice and broken sentences. Then when my teacher asked all of us to write A,B,C,D ..... Z, my hands started shaking as if I had parkinson. I put my hand inside my new glossy school bag and the first thing I grabbed was a brand new fully sharpened pencil. Believe me, I held on to it so tightly, as if I was holding onto a close friend and, I stopped shaking. It was the first friend I ever made, My pencil. It taught me, how to write my first words,as if a blind man would see the world through his friend's eyes. Over the years me and my pencil became the closest friend's ever!
                 I would roam around the whole day with my pencil in my shirt pocket, with just the tip popping out. When I would go back home, we would do my homework together, just like any other good friend it helped me too, just in a way no one else could. I would cling on to it even if I did'nt get my answers right, and eventually I would write it with My Pencil. Every day before going to bed, I would say goodnight to it, by sharpening it as if I was dressing up my younger brother to go to sleep and then make him lie down in its bed, which was ofcourse the pencil box!
                 As time passed.... I started drifting apart from my first true friend, My Pencil; As we were ordered by our teachers to start using pens. As I went on with my journey, My Pencil was always there for me waiting in the pencil box. But i seemed to have kept forgetting it's existence. And lost any memory of the good times that we shared together. It was just the last weekend, during a pleasant evening, I was sad and alone and my hand were shivering of nervousness! And just then I saw something...... My Pencil! It was mystical! It seemed as if it was walking beside me all throughout, all these years. I held onto it so tight, as if I was holding onto it as I would to my closest friend, and I was back to square one ; I stopped shivering, my pain seemed to have just vanished. I found my true friend and myself all over again, even though he was always there, walking right beside me, in the bad times and good, selflessly, to help me complete my journey.

Imagination.....

Imagination Is Nothing But A Virtually Spontaneous Outburst Of The Sub-Concious. In other words, it is the most powerful intangible gift of the 'HIGHER'. What we imagine is anything that we know has existed in the past, is existing in the present or will exist in the future, in some form or the other. Imagination is something that is intangible, but shall become or has been tangible, in one way or the other. It is pure, like an uncut diamond, wild, like an untamed horse and quick like a breeze.....

To imagine is to create a world were there are no possiblities, there are no boundaries, there is nothing right or wrong. It is like a humungous field, where you can do what you always wanted to, paint like you never could, think whatever you wish to. It is the single intangible tool that our brain has, which helps you to create a way for your future by making you realise as to where is your present leading you to; because Our Present Is A Mere Concised Depiction Of Our Future. As they say ' You reap the fruits, of the seeds you plough'; Its not a mere saying, but a principle that holds true in every persons life, the difference is some have reaped the fruits and some are still waiting to. Sooner or later we all realise that our imagination is our way of life, whether good or bad, its just that we can't see it, but can definitely paint a picture in our minds.

In simple words: Imagination is what we want to do, have done or desire to achieve, just the medium is undefined, well that is what the 'HIGHER' gave us the concious for..... to create ourselves a world of infinite possibilities with the power to think, realise and apply......

CHEERS!!!!!