Dead End....

There's always a new begining, on the other side of a Dead End....

Chai-Biscuit....

The rolled blankets and the dripping nose,
Told a tale of a kid's innocent soul,
Rolled in his blanket wiping the hose,
Called out to her, asking for his biscuit bowl....

She yelled 'right up', from the kitchen,
Just, stay put with whatever you're doing,
But don't, touch the sweets or you'll get caught by the demon,
A demon I knew never existed, but I've always needed a little shooing....

I still got up, to pick up a sweet,
Then heard her footsteps and jumped right back,
She opened the door balancing the tray and calling me a tweet,
For she knew I tried on my love sitting, to the right of my rack....

She ruffled my hair and gave me a kiss,
Saying finish it all, it will give you strength,
I saw my bowl and a cup beside, giving an aroma, no one could miss,
Picked up the cup and took a sip, to burn my tongue and shout at length....

With that heavenly mixture of milk and something,
My mouth was full and couldn't speak a word,
I gulped a biscuit and left the bowl tumbling,
It melted within a second, left me sighing with a vision blurred....

It was a cup of the special tea, my mum made for me,
Which she would serve with biscuits and glee,
Better than the sweets, or honey from Mr.Bee,
She called it Chai-Biscuit, a magic potion for the fever to flee....

?....

A combination of words with a sign at the end,
Can be so powerful and make your thoughts bend,
Sometimes so calm, sometimes of a trend,
A clear but blurred, message is what we send....

This sign isn't a gift from the Above or Higher,
But probably concieved by a merchant buyer,
Or a lover perhaps who starts with an 'do' and ends with a stutter,
But then again I think in vain, its sex infact was definitely fairer....

Scratching my head I shall speak again,
Rhetorical or intended, this tough bargain,
Who invented this sign resulting in cerebral pain?
Einstein or Franklin, whoever sure made a hell of a gain....

Sometimes its humour, sometimes so serious,
It sure seems like The Devil, so devious,
Deceptive some say, its very obvious,
Leaves a scar in your thoughts, so bloody abnoxious....

With the looks of a plump boy, who thought of this sign?
Should've seen a pretty girl, before finalising the design,
You must not try and undermine, its power divine,
As it can even make, your boss resign....

It may be a call or may be a test,
Sometimes it can put your life at rest,
I'm still unable figure the beauty of, how it ceases to exist?
A question still left, at a question mark at best....

The Birth......

Legends are formed, myths are created, deception is fired, rumours are spread....
But heroes are born from the flowing ashes of burning truths that have prevailed....

The Black Shades Of Grey Love.....

Have you ever felt that one drop of blood rushing through your veins, eager to spill out of the wound of agony, quenching on to your skin as it dries, leaving behind a painful structure like that of a broken heart. My wound is no dfferent from that, though it is symbolic in nature with respect to its sour outbursts of emotions with each other. Its like my mind is providng for a family of debauchery the retains sadistic pleasures in my state of misery.

The times have become dark, shades of grey are seeming black and with every second the clock ticks. My heart's beating faster, pulse is racing, breath is lost, vision is blurred. A hundred wrinkles on my palm turn to a thousand and I see my hand gone through the window, shattering every hope of kinds, belief of the minds but endless sorrow and frustration, raging through my pulsating chest, but no physical pain is felt. The eyes are dry even as my hand lays unmoved among the shattered pieces, which once I put together  to create the perfect dream for me and you. The morning once blushed everytime you said “Good Morning”, and now the days start at dusk until the dawn breaks a pale yellow shadow over the nights of atheistic condolences, blames on destiny and curses of luck.No more madness is left in me to enjoy your divine touch I felt on my soul every now and then.

Standing on this road all I see are my feet, with no relevance to the next few steps I shall take. Without leaving behind footsteps, I shall keep walking, no matter what the result, I will deal with it, face first. I will call out to my protector, look him in the eye and not ask why, but tell him, that Im ready now for his battle of sorts, I will fight till the last breath in my soul survives. Every wound I procure shall be a testimony of my love for you, whether seen or not, shall leave no marks on the body, but will quench the life out of every beating heart when they’l l hear the cries of the soul, like that of a hell beaten mistress, crawling her way to be able to sit upright when lashes are thrown at her back to back, so untamed and passionate is the will of her love, like ours, still crawling to sit upright and sip the fountain of youth, splashing eternity at our feet,  we shall be....

Just Another Love Letter….

Dear Love,

                  Its been 2190 days, 52560 hours, 3153600 minutes and 189216000 seconds since I last saw you in person. Its been 3102.5 days, 74460 hours, 4467600 minutes and 268056000 seconds since I first saw you and started believing in love at first sight. These are just numbers, compared to what I have truly felt for you in all this time. People came and people went, but all that remained was my first love. To this date I feel exactly the same way I felt 8 ½ years ago.

I still remember that day when you first walked in to our classroom as the ‘New Student’. Short hair, silky; skinny but a tall girl; with a face that reflected pure innocence and integrity. You looked at me while walking towards our teacher. You had that very typical smile of yours on your lips. That was the very moment, I told myself that she is the one. Even before the teacher could say your name, I had built us in a frame. Everyday since that day I came to school on time for the morning assembly, just to catch your first glimpse. I would try and stand in a place from where I could see you clearly. As you would say the morning prayers just like everyone else I would keep peep with one eye every now and then, just to look at you pray. You do know that I was the worst student anyone could ever be, but I would listen and just listen to every word you would say, whether it was an answer or a poem you recited. Whenever you spoke to me, my heart would beat like with double the speed that it actually should have. I tried my level best to be as funny as possible just to make you laugh and with a selfish intention to see you laugh, it was like the sole concern of the day back then. One day, I made a mistake of telling one of my friends that I really liked you. And the moron went up to you and told you even before I could. I remember that day clearly; after school you were standing with your best friend behind your school bus. You called my name out loud, and asked me to come there, I nodded and just walked towards you. I was petrified, I could somehow sense, that someone had told you my little secret, which I never intended to. As I walked closer to you my eyes started to blur and a deep rush just went past my head as you had turned me down. I simply turned and walked away, embarrassed of what I had done, unknowingly but still. Then I tried to persuade you over and over again with crazy things like calling you up on your landline at evening hours, climbing on to your school bus and shouting that I love you, to trying for the final time after our exams got over, hoping to get a different answer. But god had planned the same answer for me, from you over and over again. I thought to myself that it probably was for the best, for you and me, and decided to move on. But what I didn’t realize was that moving on was a condition of the mind and not the heart.

Months went by, and it was time for the school to open the next day. I sat on my window that whole evening, thinking of you, your smile, your laugh, your voice and your innocence. How you would laugh and giggle all the time and make me smile, hiding the pressures you had been under to be the best. I could see it, the clarity in your thoughts and actions was not a result of your happy nature, but how a diamond is born from the greatest pressures a lump of coal has to withstand. The very next day, I couldn’t to wait to see you again. And I did indeed, you looked so pretty. Your hair had grown a bit longer and you had left it open. I was taken away once again with your beauty of simplicity. But to my bad luck our classes were shuffled and you were no longer in my class. I was very sad, but then when I saw you again during the morning prayers, that way I always did. All the worries just went away in thin air, like nothing ever happened. In course of time I “moved on” and made a new girlfriend. But destiny spoke of something else, we were put together in one of our class subjects. To say, I would be always sitting next to my girlfriend, but mostly the table right opposite yours divided by a thin ply. I would peek every now and then, and think that there can never be anything as beautiful as you every time I looked at you. Sometimes when we would bump into each other in the corridors, we awkwardly exchanged greetings, but never spoke a word apart from it. There were times in between after a while when we did have brief conversations about random things I didn’t even listen to, as I was busy admiring you or saving you from the brisk streams. Those two years just flew by, and I didn’t even realize that it was time for us to bid goodbye, and I would never be able to have even a brief conversation with you or even see you for that matter of fact. I remember that last day perfectly, overly distressed I hit my hand on the rikshaw meter so hard that it dislocated my little finger a bit. But the pain that thought gave me was much greater than the pain I felt in my palm. The day was over I was sad and lonely when I reached home, tired of the battle of agony I slept keeping calm.

Days passed, turned to months, then years. Did not even come to know how 5 yrs went by. I had a new girlfriend in between the period whom I was with for 4 years, thinking that she could be the one to take your place my love. But I was proved wrong then again, she lied to me, cheated me for no reason whatsoever. I was sad again, my business had shut down, my girlfriend turned out to be a cheater. I thought I had lost everything and there it was, your picture on my social profile. I jumped with joy, to this day remember that feeling I had when you accepted my request and your best friend didn’t. I waited for a few days everyday till you were finally available to chat. And boy was that one month the best month of my life or what! We would chat hours nonstop. We then exchanged phone numbers, and the virtual chat became text messages. Text messages became intimate conversations over long distance calls. It all moved so fast, that I was scared to lose you again to my luck. Then you asked me, “Will we always talk like we do now, promise me nothing would change.” My eyes were moist, I didn’t know what to reply to you. I wrote, “I love you” on my text screen, stared at it for a few seconds and then deleted it. Then replied to you saying, “why would we, ofcourse we won’t.” and sent it to you. I tried to come and meet you several times, but something or the other kept coming up with you and we were not able to meet. One day, you told me that you were going to move to a new town for a new job and will be in my city for a few hours on the way. I thought to myself that finally I will be able to see you after a hell of a long time and began grooming myself like a maniac. I wanted it to be perfect this time. I made plans for places to go to, a walk on the beach, everything was just perfect. But then your plans changed at the very last minute just like my luck had been for quite sometime and you left. Things began to change after  a few days of you moving there. I understood that you were obviously keeping very busy with your work and trust me I know how seriously you take your work, so I didn’t want to intrude. I tried contacting you several times, but there was no use, either the network was bad or my luck. I visited your town a couple of times for work and really tried very hard to meet you again and again. Then finally, the timing matched and you agreed to meet. I took out my suit that I was carrying to wear just incase I would be able to meet you, found out about the best restaurants that serve dinner in candle light. I know its all a bit too cheesy for your taste, but can’t help it. I just wanted everything to be romantically perfect again this time. And then reality slapped me again and hard this time. You had forgotten about the plan we made to meet and had gone to a birthday party. You called and apologized and I agreed, because I know that you would never lie for such a thing, you were way beyond all this. And I came back home, sad yet content to have heard your voice after months. Since then a whole year has passed by and I still feel like that child in school who first saw you and fell in love instantly. I asked you again via text message, which was the dumbest thing to do, I know but I had lost all hope of meeting you ever, and I just hated the feeling when I called you and you didn’t answer, it felt like I was bothering you. And trust me it’s the worst feeling anyone can ever have to be bothering someone you love and adore so truly, that even truth would define itself with it to a lie.

I am still living in the hope that someday you will feel what I feel for you, see what I see in you, dream what I dream with you. And hold my hand to pull me so close to you that only time could pass by from between us and nothing else would matter. You and I would come together forever, till time will spare us, I will look at you every morning with the same look I looked at you when you prayed. I too prayed but only to be with you, forever and ever and ever…….

 

Yours Truly,

The Guy For Whom You Are ‘Love’

The Fisherman and The Sea.....

As the sound of the wind covers the ocean....

The man in the boat looks above, with a tumbling notion....

While the waves beside him take a wild dive....

He turns to the ocean, hollering, “will I survive”....

The ocean leaps, to take a hefty flight….

Gropes him in and hugs him tight….

He screams and shouts, but there’s no use….

As she has decided for, to be his muse….

While his mouth is leaving the bubbles afloat….

He finds himself, amidst the spoils of a sunken boat….

Looking around, wondering what is gone….

A voice is heard, from what seemed like a throne….

As he walks closer, the darkness fades….

And there she lounges, like the Queen of Spades….

Feeling embarrassed, of the naked spirit….

He dares to ask, “The Charlette’s Web is it?”….

She replies with calm, in a soothing tone….

“Thou reap the fruits, of the seeds you’ve sown”….

Then follows by saying, just one sentence….

That changed his life, in every tense….

She said in a soft, but an audible note….

“I shall try to answer thine every mote….

My lad I mean Thy, asked me a question….

Don’t worry I’m just, thine manifestation”….

He walks closer to The Queen, to heed….

And speaks again, due to time and need….

“I need an answer, in a yes or no….

My children await, I need to know”….

“Don’t jump to an answer, so soon my lad….

 Good too awaits, and it’s not so bad….

Thine children hast slept, in profound excitement….

Of a dawn that brings, new enlightenment”….

“Prepare thine self, for a journey in time….

Where survival is known, as a mighty mime”….

The man just stands and stares at her face….

That didn’t age in time no matter, what it’s pace….

A shadow is seen at that very moment….

He thinks to himself, “it’s such a torment”….

Suddenly she leaps, to take a flight….

Gropes him in and hugs him tight….

They reached a land, he never knew….

Existed ashore, with a magnificent hue….

She looks at him and smiles alone….

“Says, why so sad, this isn’t a moan”….

She sits on a log beside the manor….

Asked him to perch, right next to her honour….

She speaks again, in a subtle tone….

“Here lived a woman, who’s name was joan”….

“She came across the hill up there….

Which the famine struck, to keep their stomachs bare….

She came to search for food and water….

That these villagers, won’t give no matter….

They asked her to leave, as they had no food…..

She said, ”I can make a soup that will change thine mood”…

They looked at her with grand suspicion….

As she took some water and filled the cauldron….

Joan lit a fire, and sang a song….

To prepare a soup, they’d relish after a bong….

She dropped a stone right in the bowl…..

And put some spices, as an act to dole....

Then sniffed the bowl, like a piece of heaven….

With gusto like, the Symphony of Beethoven….

The villagers, called her a fake for that….

“It can’t be true, it’s all just chat”….

She looked at them and said out loud…..

“Don’t have, your loss, but I’m so proud”…..

They said again, in a lower note….

“We need to try, it’s our port”….

She asked them to bring a cabbage and greens….

As it would taste better, with some garnish and beans….

The villagers give her what she needs….

Thank you she says for their humbling deeds….

“Joan is my name” she says again….

“And I want some carrots and some grain….

The taste is pretty, as the hue of the place….

How can a dress be complete without a lace”….

“Get me some onions and noodles if you may….

And the soup will be ready, to your taste I say”….

The villagers brought her, all she asked…..

And enjoyed a meal, in which they all basked….

She lived right there, for till time had to spare….

And made the villagers, The Stone Soup they’d all share”….

“She didn’t ask from the land, for her survival….

But took it, with wisdom for her life’s recital”….

“Thus, Wisdom is a tool, given by gods….

Use it wise, to survive The Mods”….

She said it with, a twinkle in her eye….

And held his hand, just like The Mai….

He whispered to her, “I get it now”….

With the look of a lion, who just won’t bow….

“I’m glad thy do, my son ashore….

But thereon be more, tother, I adore”….

She leaps again, with a stealthy flight….

Gropes him in, and hugs him tight….

This time the man, just swayed along….

Humming the tune, of his favourite song….

His mouth again left the bubbles afloat….

And he sat amidst, the spoils of the sunken boat….

To his surprise, there was a man….

Sitting next to the queen, with a tan….

She asks the fisherman, “why, do you stare”….

“This is his story, I’m about to share….

Please speak oh lord almighty’s, son” she called….

The fisherman stared, which looked so bald….

The son of god, raised his hand….

To bless the man, with his olive band….

He said in a strong and a heavy voice….

“Thy can go back, I give you a choice….

But stay if thy may, as I insist….

As thy seem like a man, who’s not a pessimist”….

The man says in a soft tone….

“I’ve learnt enough for a day from Joan….

But then again, I sure can stay….

As Rumplestiltskin sure can, spin another stack of hay”….

“Good thoughts oh lad, thy have in thine mind….

Which I like to call, The Heaven’s Contract, duly signed”….

He said to the man, and turned with a glow….

Then opened a door, with a lifted eyebrow….

The door seemed old, big and brown….

A little swollen, from the ocean’s frown….

He saw a prince, so slick and tall….

Who lived his life, like having a ball….

“His name is Zeus”, he said so loud….

Even Zeus would nod, from above the cloud….

This is his way, to live everyday….

But knows that, happiness doesn’t always stay….

There was a time, before this day…

When the dawn broke, with a thirst to slay….

He lost his land and all he loved….

And had no reason, to stay gloved….

Reciting the tune, his heart once played….

He stood again, saying, ”I won’t be slayed….

You can take my land and all I own….

The seeds of will, have already been sown….

They have, grown to, show me light….

 A future, still so bright”….

He walked in vain, alone on streets….

To find some work, and get some treats….

It had been long, since he had eaten….

But stood so tall, and truly unbeaten….

He worked at docks, where once he’d roam….

With soldiers carrying above, a big round dome…..

Then dusk would fall, and was time eat….

He’d skip the meal, and train to beat….

He would dance, with the sword….

And the shield, would sing aboard…..

A harmony would play, along the rivers….

Of the will to survive, despite the shivers….

Months went by, and turned to years….

They Grew a beard and turned down tears….

Keeping his focus still intact, he’d pray to god….

To give him will, and not a platter of golden scrod….

He stayed so happy, without his land…..

He danced in his glory, barefoot on the sand….

Then turn around and look at the footsteps….

Which he never saw, beyond his massive doorsteps….

Things were to change, for him so soon…..

He’d  tell himself, looking at the moon….

It did indeed this night, we saw…..

He met a traveler, who called himself claw….

He was a man, of strength and built…..

And walked with friends, who had no guilt….

He asked his past, as present was obvious….

With the clothes of a cowherd, and looks of abnodius….

He sang his story, so sweet in tone….

It relaxed the group, from heart to bone….

Claw did see in him, the will to survive….

And offered a ride, to win is land with a jive….

Zeus was sure, he had met his match…..

And agreed to jive, with the batch….

The men just walked, for days together….

To reach his land, and win the feather….

For them it was, just another quest…

But for Zeus, it was his sole unrest….

He knew his training and hard work would pay….

For has made him a better man, hard to slay….

They reached his land, and marched inside….

Challenged the king, and asked him to abide….

The king was a proud, fool of a kind…..

Accepted a proposal, with eyes blind…..

The war had begun, between the titans….

Shots were fired, from mighty canons….

At twelve young men, who survived to fight….

With will and wisdom, against every plight….

They fought for hours, without a blink….

And then came along, their pet fink….

Who gave Zeus a way, into his castle….

To capture the king, and finish this battle….

The battle of life, he was left to face……

And avenge for the time, he was so scarce….

His might of will, proved to be great….

Which set the trend of loss, so straight”….

The fisherman’s mouth, was left all open….

Wondering the power, of will would sharpen….

And then wakes up, from his dream….

To see the sharpness, in his beam….

The son of god and the queen of the ocean…..

Shake their hands, waved goodbye in brisk motion….

The man just smiled and disappeared in flying time….

Leaving behind a fisherman, to believe the chime……

The queen then speaks, and breaks her silence….

“Thy hast been good, with a lot of patience”….

“Oh fisherman thy see, these were the stories….

To show the power, of survival’s berries….

Survival my lad, is by wisdom and will and not destiny alone …..

So live it without thinking, of the carving on the stone….

They both are gifts that even change, the destiny’s slime….

And this my lad, is not the irony of time…..

Here’s the answer, to the question thy asked….

Now open your eyes, to a future so basked”…

This was the story, of survival to be….

There was once The Fisherman and always The Sea….

The definition of Life....

Its nothing but a collection of memories, good or bad....
And living it, is nothing but a mere way of collecting them....

Destiny....

Destiny is a myth, created by people, lazy enough to sit back and wait for good things to just happen....

Think....

I hope to make it better.....And I promise I will.....

Just A Dream.....

I had a dream…. A dream last night. It was you, that filled my sub-conscious. I saw you, clear as a your picture, it was magical, you were magical. It started from your back, I could see a woman wearing a loose white dress with red and green tulips on it, her hair wavy, flying with the breeze of the ocean, it was you. You stood by the ocean on the sidewalk holding the support so gently in anxiety, as if you were waiting for someone. I stood there unmoved by your actions, I don’t  know why but, I got a soothing feeling just looking at you, like someone had given me a dose of anesthesia just for fun. I went a little closer to your side and the sight was mesmerizing. A fringe of your hair fell on your face from the side that shaped  to your face perfectly, your skin, so smooth that even your fringe wanted to stick to it but couldn’t. I swear to god, if at that moment a rain drop fell on cheeks, it would slip right down to your neck without a bump. Your arms, so perfectly crafted, that any man would die to wrap himself around them. Your body, molded in such a way, that even the fairies would get a complex just by a glance of yours.

And then you turned, believe me my love, I never felt this way ever before, the way I felt by your first look at me. You smiled, and two smile marks lit themselves up on side of your lips. It seemed like the higher himself made them to protect your lips, which were made from the first buds of a rose in the spring. I don’t have any words to describe your eyes. So innocent yet mischievous,  with a twinkle in it like a couple of stars resided in there. I started moving closer to you as your smile kept getting bigger n bigger, and I just couldn’t control myself and I hugged you. I just wasn’t ready to leave you and you didn’t want me to. We stood there by the ocean, just like that, unmoved by the wind ruffling through our hair, the symphony the ocean played, by poems the birds recited. We just stood there, just like that.

I wish it was not a dream which turned to a nightmare this morning, when I woke up to find that it was just dream. I wished I would be asleep forever just to have that dream continue forever, undisturbed, unmoved just like that, just the way we were my love, just the way we were……

Beloved....

As I stroll across these lonesome gardens of vanity, searching for divinity,

The winds ruffle through my hair,I slow down my steps,

To think of the good times we had, smoking a cigarette,

I look upon the sky, and watch it go grey with a lightning in its eye,

It sure was something, a sign perhaps, telling me to stop thinking,

But I am an adventurous soul, I keep wandering amidst the ghosts of my past,

They talk to me, tell me what a change I have gone through since my days of grace.

The ghosts take me on a journey to see my past, and there I was standing in astonied embezzlement,

To see what called me, a child like character without any worries or guilt, but just a dream,

A dream to love, live and be loved, with such minimum expectations from the world,

But more faith in himself, I ask quietly…… What happened then?

Suddenly the room started to swirl, the leaves began to fly,

A loud noise of the lightning struck me, and there I was looking at an adolescent me,

In the arms of my beloved, I waked across the hall to take a closer look at her,

So beautiful, so pure just like a new born baby, born from the first drops of rain,

I feel exactly what I felt when I was there, at that very moment,

I remember I had promised myself that day, that I would stand by her no matter what,

And will do absolutely everything to keep that twinkle in her eyes intact, till I run out of my last breath.

The ghost slaps me hard, and the hall starts to swirl, the leaves began to fly,

A loud noise of the lightning struck me, and there I was gazing upon me a few years after,

Still standing with my beloved, but not in her arms, with moist eyes I look at her,

Standing next to me, so cold as if my tears are mere water, I stand in silence and look at myself,

So helpless, asking her WHY? Why did she do this, after putting my life at her feet,

Just to see her smile once, but she just stands there, with her hands folded on her chest,

Looking at me go away with my misery, I still have no answer as to why,

What did I do to deserve this, all I wanted was a little bit of love,

Someone who would take my hand, and say its going to be fine.

As I begin to weep staring at myself, my ghost says its time,

I land face first on the ground, just to realize that reality has hit me,

It was time, time for amendment, time for demolishing every memory of her,

But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it, no matter what she did or I felt, that doesn’t

Change what I truly felt for her, from the blood in my veins to the mind insane,

They are all witnesses, to something way more greater than the self, Love.

Now I have changed again, I can see more clearly,

I still want to love, live and be loved, but I also will never forget you my beloved,

Till the last breath in body resides, you will be a part of me, intangible but feel so real,

I keep strolling in the lonesome gardens of vanity, searching for divinity.

Loneliness.....

Its been a silent life....its as if the silence is speaking to me...its asking me....why??? why am I putting up with my state in which I am right now....its an old story.... that has been going on for many years now.....but I still have no answer for it.....I only answer with my stillness.....I sometimes feel so lonely....that it feels like I'm trapped in a room without any doors or windows....no connection with the world outside whatsoever..... just, an empty room....which was probably made out of the walls of a fallen building....where once happiness resided....contentment roamed around along with the air.... but now its just me...and my friend Ms.Silence.... I feel so suffocated....and there is so much room for me to roam around inside....but absolutely nothing to do....I just sit in one corner of the room, with my legs folded....and as soon as I sit everytime.....the thorns of my past...start to prick me....I shout....I scream....but what's the use....there's no one to hear me....It really hurts when you wanna say something....but no one's listening....I have numerous emotions...feelings....words rushing down my veins...that I feel like cutting it off....so that atleast they can flow out....

Its so dark in here....and I feel cold....so much so that I have forgotten the warmth of the human touch....But I'm still alive....you can't even imagine how happy that makes me whenever I realise that....that is the sole source of happiness for me....even this happiness feels borrowed now....its not my own anymore....and my memories...they haunt me now....even the good one's, it seems are teasing me...telling me....i'll never be able to have or feel those moments again....I pull my hair in torment.....and yell....what should I fucking do....where the hell should I bloody go....to shoo these memories away from me....because hell seems better from where I'm sitting....at one point...these were my closest and the only source of contentment.....just like my every breath is to my happiness right now.....then I realise....will this also go away from me....will I fall in such misery....that my source of happiness shall become my source of unhappiness....is that the end.....of this horrid experience....

Then silence speaks again....She says....meet my friend hope....you can't imagine the relief I get when I see her...even today when I'm alone....she comes to meet me and tells me...''one day you will''.....and these four words become my ultimate source.....of happiness....contentment....and strength....Even though I'm still trapped here....I still have hope....!!! 

A Million Steps....

I'm standing on a crossroad by myself..... waiting for a sign to tell me where to head,
there are no signboards or milestones...to guide, just a dim light blinking from the horizon,
a pleasant smell of some flowers....is felt every now and then....
Feeling tired now and want to sit, but there is this little voice in my head,
whispering to me, I have a million steps to take before i rest.

Then i look back to find faint footprints of myself leading me here....from another crossroad,
they keep becoming fainter and fainter as i keep staring at them, thinking how did I come here,
i get no answer.... i am frustrated with the agony of confusion, as it has taken a lot of effort to reach where I am and one bad choice can ruin it all..... i shout....i shout at the top of my voice and ask for help, but from where I am standing, my words don't even echo.... I feel like going back, where I came from....something tells me I don't belong here....
But I know its just my mind telling me to quit..... it is scared of the effort that will be needed.....
but my soul cries in a whispering tone, I have a million steps to take before I quit.

I pick up my heavy bag full of hopes, dreams, ambition and desire....and start walking,
I decide to follow the dim light....as I start walking I feel that zest all over again.....
what I felt when I left for this road.....I keep walking towards the light hoping its the sign I was looking for,
my mind tells tells me to wait and think again..... but I whisper to myself, I have a million steps to take before I wait....

Divine Kiss.....

Kissing the morning light with my eyes, i wake, to walk into a room of bliss and hope,
Where faith awaits, calls my name and whispers to me, then gives me hug.
I stand there unmoved, not because I'm lazy, but because i can't believe what i see,
I guess its the divine kiss of the morning light, that has helped me wake up from my bad dream of darkness,
Into a world where Dreams, Hopes and Faith reside.........

Darkness....

Here i am lying underneath the sands of time....cursing myself...to have taken a different path on the road to light.... then suddenly become quiet...as if some ghost just passed through me....yet i gaze upon the night sky...hoping to twinkle like a star...shine like the moon....fly like the wind....but i'm trapped in the shackels of my ride....beneath the  sands of time.......

My Pencil...

When I think about my first day at school, I get an image of a tiny, plumpy little kid, Shivering, Shaking and who seems to be lost in a huge campus which seemed to be a new world altogeter. As I stepped into the classroom, I introduced myself in a stuttering voice and broken sentences. Then when my teacher asked all of us to write A,B,C,D ..... Z, my hands started shaking as if I had parkinson. I put my hand inside my new glossy school bag and the first thing I grabbed was a brand new fully sharpened pencil. Believe me, I held on to it so tightly, as if I was holding onto a close friend and, I stopped shaking. It was the first friend I ever made, My pencil. It taught me, how to write my first words,as if a blind man would see the world through his friend's eyes. Over the years me and my pencil became the closest friend's ever!
                 I would roam around the whole day with my pencil in my shirt pocket, with just the tip popping out. When I would go back home, we would do my homework together, just like any other good friend it helped me too, just in a way no one else could. I would cling on to it even if I did'nt get my answers right, and eventually I would write it with My Pencil. Every day before going to bed, I would say goodnight to it, by sharpening it as if I was dressing up my younger brother to go to sleep and then make him lie down in its bed, which was ofcourse the pencil box!
                 As time passed.... I started drifting apart from my first true friend, My Pencil; As we were ordered by our teachers to start using pens. As I went on with my journey, My Pencil was always there for me waiting in the pencil box. But i seemed to have kept forgetting it's existence. And lost any memory of the good times that we shared together. It was just the last weekend, during a pleasant evening, I was sad and alone and my hand were shivering of nervousness! And just then I saw something...... My Pencil! It was mystical! It seemed as if it was walking beside me all throughout, all these years. I held onto it so tight, as if I was holding onto it as I would to my closest friend, and I was back to square one ; I stopped shivering, my pain seemed to have just vanished. I found my true friend and myself all over again, even though he was always there, walking right beside me, in the bad times and good, selflessly, to help me complete my journey.